guilty

okay, so old habits die hard.
and despite humid 89 degree weather...

yes, i was in the garden weeding.
and yes, i did have to use a pick axe to get the last of the weeds up.
and yes, my back is very sore and tired.

and yes, i am still aware that i'm pregnant.
so yes, i did in fact lay down after i finished so i'll be able to walk later.

AND
yes, i'm guilty. 
BUT
i had help this time!

dave's parents and sister are in visiting from indiana, and they like to help with projects (so you can imagine why i love them so much).

dave and his dad have almost finished painting the garage doors black (from white). the shutters used to be white, and we did those over in black last year, and the doors were white, and are now a fabulous puke-y yellow, and now? the garage doors will be finished to complete a front of the house face-lift.

next up: the house trim needs a new coat of white, and the house will get a grey/blue/slate paint update. it gets a lot of full morning fun, so it's faded a lot in the 4 years we've been here. i need to find just the right shade, though- not too light, and not too blue. i'm open for suggestions :) 

dave transplanted this arborvitae from it's random spot on the other side of the garden to here to the front left side of the house (where it can hide the propane tank and canoe until we put a fence up. don't get me started on my desires for a fence, though...)

and look what i found hiding under, i don't know, eight inches of tall grass and a thicket of crawling weeds:
OUR GARDEN!
we weren't actually going to do a garden this year, but when my friend deanna had extra plants that she didn't have room for? well, i couldn't say no to that!

it's actually kind of fun, because some of the plants are mystery plants, so eventually, we'll get to find out what they are! i do know we have tomatoes, roma cherry tomatoes, cucumbers, pumpkins, zucchini, basil, strawberries, and...maybe squash?

later today and tomorrow while i'm at work we'll also finish installing an attic staircase in the landing upstairs. our 163 year old home, though lovely, has no storage. we have a dirt basement and not even CLOSE to enough closets, so the attic, albeit small, if accessible (and not via a 2x2 portal in our bedroom), will add a lot of value to this old house. and make more room in the garage again, so maybe, just maybe, i'll be able to park my car in there before winter :)

what can i say?
i love life in the projects.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

a perfectionist manifesto

“This is the very perfection of a man, to find out his own imperfections.” -Saint Augustine

the past few months have been an interesting journey for me. physically, emotionally, spiritually. i've found myself getting pretty mad and overwhelmed, but i haven't known exactly what has frustrating me. i mean, besides the obvious fact that i'm...quite pregnant ;)

being that i am generally not a hormonal, girly, dramatic, or psycho kind of girl, and instead find myself drawn to more logical thinking patterns, being pregnant always reminds me that i am, in fact, a girl. (this always strikes dave as funny. when i get upset at myself for being upset? yeah, he finds that irony hilarious. he'll goad,"michelle, you are a girl. why are mad about being a girl?!")

i think i arrived at a place where motherhood was overwhelming, being a pastor's wife was overwhelming, not being capable of physically doing the things i wanted to do was overwhelming, and feeling like i didn't have an avenue to express it? you guessed it: that was overwhelming.

yes, i'm tired. being pregnant with small children is not particularly easy at times. being pregnant...is taxing, demanding, exhausting, & strenuous.

yes, i'm busy. dave's super-busy. and we have something going on almost all the time here at the strattons and it can be a lot of work.

but none of these things are new to me. they're old hat. i've been living in this world for five years. so articulating and even discovering what this "new" struggle was? it has proved challenging.

let me elaborate further by backing up a couple of weeks, when i stumbled across this show called "the fabulous beekman boys" on discovery; it's about this gay couple who happens upon farming and are building a brand called beekman 1802. more "original" reality television, right?

well, the guy below, on your right, brent, is essentially every stereotype of a gay man in one person. i mean, he worked for martha stewart- need i say more? brent is a perfectionist. he likes things to be a certain way, look a certain way, and presented a certain way.

even pigs.

he's such a perfectionist that in the one episode i saw, he was literally in the pig sty washing the pigs.

now, most people would call that pretty crazy. i, on the other hand, could understand very well the logic behind brent's "philosophy," if you will.

a few examples off the top of my head:
i cut my grass with scissors. (no, seriously. i edge my flower beds with them)
i prefer to serve water in glass pitchers with sliced lemons.
i insist on keeping an extremely clean & tidy home.
i generally will not bring my children places without their hair done and clothes that match.
i like fresh flowers on my table as frequently as possible.
i will not allow wrinkly clothes to be worn out of the house.
i almost cannot walk by something dirty and not clean it. immediately.


and much to my surprise, this approach, this philosophy?...it has a name.
it's called perfectionism.

most of you understand this word, but i've only jokingly ever referred to myself as a perfectionist. and never have i ever imagined that this can be a problem for people. i only realize now, at 28, that to some degree (66% according to a discovery health quiz), i am, in fact, a perfectionist.

and not because that's what anyone expects from me, or because i have some weird need to impress, or some fear of rejection. i've really tried to think about myself critically and honestly. i am a pretty confident person, i'd say. so i really don't do what i do for other people.
i actually just like it that way.

and i don't know how to do it any other way. does that mean my house must be immaculate at the expense of my children? no. does that mean my yard looks like professionals landscaped it? lol, no. (i only wish that). does this mean my house is never messy or dirty? heck to the no.

it's more like this: i am simply NOT satisfied giving ANYTHING less than my 100% (this is not to be confused with anyone else's 100%). this can be a good thing. in and of themselves, there's nothing wrong with wanting a clean house or a project finished. i find that like brent, presentation is important to me. i like when things look beautiful, and i do not like when things are messy or disorganized or unfinished. in my house. i don't care about anyone else's house. just mine.

on the other hand, this can be a detrimental thing when it gets in the way of your own health, relationships, etc. i tend to work hard in general; a trait in our culture that is considered a positive or admirable characteristic. and i think it certainly can be, and am very glad that i had good role models in this. however, fairly recently, i've realized that it is in fact possible to work too hard. my father, who gave me these crazy bartlett genes in the first place, is a perfect example of this. (imagine: a guy who is 67 and digs ditches, works 12 hour days, climbs trees with chainsaws, and rides ATV's almost every weekend. but most of he time, he works himself so hard that he has to keep moving so he can be distracted from the pain he's in. that's just a glimpse into my gene pool.) in the past couple of months, i've heard myself telling him 'he can't work as hard as he's used to', and 'he has to take care of himself,' and wouldn't you know it,
I'M TALKING TO MYSELF.
eeek.

for me, the frustration i feel is the tension between being able to do what i want to do versus what i actually can do. which translates mostly to the physical work that i enjoy. i like to work around the house and in my yard. you all know this because you tease me all the time :) i get ideas in my head about things i want to do, like "build a brick walkway" or "weed this jungle of a garden" or "plant numerous shrubs" or "paint this room real quick"...and i am determined to not only do them, but do them alone, do them in short amounts of time, and do them with excellence.

this is not always an issue for me when i'm not pregnant, because given enough time (also tricky, but that's a blog for another day), i can get a whole lot done. but being pregnant really exacerbates the frustration i have with not being able to finish things and not being physically able to work as long or as hard as i genuinely want to. i literally just can't. unless i want to have a broken back and contractions every three minutes.
and end up in labor & delivery.
on my birthday.
and have to beg nurses to let me leave.

and i guess...i don't want to have to do that.

i know some of you will identify the thought of not being able to do what you"want" to do. maybe it's not cleaning or digging or projects or excessive exertion, but i think mothers run into this a lot in motherhood. it can feel a little bit like jail (or maybe a lot like jail). motherhood can be isolating. maybe some moms would rather be scrap-booking or reading or journaling or watching television or shopping or baking or taking a class or going to the gym or getting a coffee with a friend (right, lee?!). and maybe you, like me, (although perhaps not a perfectionist, if you're lucky), still have a lot of things you can't finish, or can't start, and maybe, just maybe, you get frustrated too. as i talked about in this post, when you're raising small people, you have to sacrifice little pieces of who you are. and it's an amazing and life-changing experience to know what it means to sacrifice...even just a little. but there is this tension that you come to understand between doing what you have to do for your kids, your family, your spouse, and doing the things that make you who you are.

anyone who knows me would agree that i tend to think in absolutes and i'm prone to overstatement. (somehow, this doesn't madden my husband, and instead he fancies me just the way i am.) the things i "have" to do, i really don't. and the things that "need" to be done "right now,"...they really don't either. dave reminds me of this all the time. and then reminds me that i am, in fact, married, which qualifies me to be eligible for this thing called "help." what i'm learning (and what God has been teaching me, despite every fiber in my body wanting to resist this reality) is that it is okay for me to have "standards" that i think are necessary. as long as i also remember that they're not, in fact, necessary. and although i don't usually want to let certain things go, i can, if i want to.

i think God is using my third pregnancy just to make me have to slow down. he usually has to let me injure my body enough to make me slow down, and when i'm pregnant, he's also made my body to contract a whole heck of a lot if i push it too much. subtle, eh? but i need these (not always so) gentle reminders to expose my tendency to overwork, overexert, overstate, over-everything, so that i can try to learn my limits and embrace them, rather than, say, ignore them until i can't stand up...and then stop.

i guess what i'm beginning to understand is that perfectionism can be a healthy drive to do your best. but it's possible to expect too much from yourself. and that isn't, in fact, a good idea. sometimes just "good" is good enough, and sometimes, you should even ask for help. certain things are reasonable for pregnant people. others things, like anything with a pick axe, my husband insists, are not reasonable. unobtainable objectives just make perfectionists disappointed and mad. so although i wouldn't wash a pig before a party, i've been guilty of similar insanities. (ahem, like laying sod.) so thanks to my dbs and to my friends who tolerate my insanity, who help me with my overzealous undertakings, and love me anyway.

and thus is the beginnings of the epic inner workings of my mind in my blogging absence. thanks for waiting for me to get my mind right; trust me, you wouldn't have wanted to have to read all that angry profanity, senseless drivel, or frustrated prattling anyway :)

any other perfectionists in the house??

dive right in

that's what they say right?

don't just walk around the pool, thinking about how cold it might be.
don't wade in slowly, waiting for just the right time.

just dive right in.

(splash)

i miss you, blogging, and to my readers, i miss you, too :)
summer is busy, huh? want to know what i'm doing today?

here it is: (get excited. you'll need to. my life isn't that exciting...)

yard work. what a great day for yard work. i'm thinking i'll weed the garden, water it, then weed the driveway, and then water the grass and flowers and the transplanted shrubs. so they don't die. because i transplant things like it's my job.

make lunch.

put piper down for a nap (in her new big girl bed! yes, pics to come ams). she has teeth coming in and a little smoker's cough (which makes her tiny voice even more adorable). maybe i'll take a nap myself. apparently, staying up WAY too late is so hot right now. but my head hurts. i need more sleep.

get up. finish laundry.

go through heaping piles on desk.

make to-do list (now that i've discovered how many things i've been ignoring for weeks on end)

unload dishwasher, do pots and pans. i wish i cooked everything in throw away containers JUST so there wouldn't always be piles of pots and pans.

grill up the chicken for dinner (i'm making chicken caesar salad.).

discipleship with lindsey. she's bringing me iced coffee. what more do i need to get me through the day?!

then maybe a show with dbs and bed early? i've been addicted to bravo reality television, namely top chef and the next great artist. and last comic standing. i'm also at the end of a really good book, so maybe i'll finish that tonight.

that's my plan.

so what are you doing today? anything good?

tired much?

last night, after dinner, per my usual, i had to lay down on the couch and take 5. for some reason, after i eat any meal, i feel far more nauseous than i did before i ate. (good times, good times.) so dave finished up dinner with the kids, and then we put the kids to bed around 7:15.

so 7:45, the kids were asleep, and we regrouped on the piece of couch that is free of both wall hangings and laundry (yes, i have to finish painting today before company shows up at 6:30). we're both pretty exhausted, and i feel awful, so we lay on this 4 foot parcel of couch, and within 10 minutes, we're fast asleep. unconscious.

dave, apparently, wakes up and gets back to working creating a new flash web site for new hope. it's one of (what we've now labeled, because it's a slight illness?) his "immersions," currently, so he essentially doesn't sleep. he works for hours on sermons, websites, and any number of things...starting at 10 or 11 pm when i turn in. he eventually sneaks into bed in the middle of the night like he's been out drinking with his buddies or something, but no, he's been working.

i, on the other hand, continue sleeping until 1:30 am, when i wake up and realize i just went to bed at 8:00.

8:00?! i mean...really?!

and when i woke up to dave still working (huge surprise here), i made fun of him for a minute or two after he pretends like he'll be up soon, and then headed to bed (again?). and i fell asleep. mind you, i had already slept for almost 6 hours, and i managed to fall back asleep and sleep straight through until this morning at 7:15 when the kids woke up (and elias proceeded to admonish me for taking his soccer uniform to wash it. what was i thinking?! [uhh, that it was really dirty?]).

i mean, by the time you have two children, you've got to be behind, what, months of sleep? so i'm not trying to be hard on myself for sleeping like a raging college student, but...

it seems a bit profuse.

so- anyone else have a tale of ridiculous sleeping?
don't leave me hanging, guys.

productivity

i read a great book years ago called "having a mary heart in a martha world" by joanna weaver. it talks about the story of mary and martha, and about how martha sat at the feet of Jesus while martha ran around like a chicken with its head chopped off trying to get a meal together for her guest. most the time, i think moms feel like martha, like "holy crap, Jesus is at my house, and it's a mess, and i've got to whip up something delicious, fast, and look at mary, just kicking back, talking to Jesus. awesome, mary, i hate your guts." now, had martha been thinking, she'd have been like "Jesus, can you whip up some food and some wine so we can get this party started properly?" but, hey, maybe that's just me. what Jesus taught martha was the better thing is to have a heart like mary, which was a heart that knew that the right priority in that moment was to sit next to the great Teacher, not cook.

thinking about this lately has made me realize the priority for me has to be the baby i'm carrying, my children, my husband, and my faith. nothing more, nothing less. it's important for me to rest, and it's okay to rest. and it's important for to me to be able to feel well enough that i don't want to rip someone's head off or scream at them, which is essentially what i want to do, altogether too much (like tonight, when it was 6:45, and i hadn't yet fed my kids dinner {yes, because i was painting} and someone apparently spilled greasy greek dressing all over the floor in the kitchen AND the foyer. and walked all in it and tracked it around because silly me, i thought it was water that had been tracked in. so i had to wash the floors. and THEN make dinner. and try to put my kids to bed before 10:00. aaahhh, one can only laugh...).

times like these have led to me being reflective on why it bothers me so much that i can't get a whole lot done beyond the basics (because when i can't, i chide myself and call myself lame, so i guess i'm a work in progress). as i thought about it, i realized i have this thing for productivity. it's sort of like crack for me. i like it, i want it, i need it. it is GOOD. now, don't confuse productivity with busyness. i do NOT like to be very busy. productivity is different. it's efficiency. input. output. it's when i can accomplish ridiculous amounts of things in short periods of time, especially lurking, looming items on my to-do list, or things i've been dying to get to. it's part of my genetic code, this desire for being productive.

so you can imagine what it's been like for me the past 3 months, feeling nauseous (times infinity) from sunrise to sunset, and not really going (or wanting to go) above and beyond the basics of feeding and diapering my children. i don't want to do laundry, dishes, make phone calls, send emails, clean my house, make meals, play with children. ANYTHING. despite my very genetic makeup, i simply cannot be productive. i want to lay. on the couch. in silence.

you can also imagine THAT'S probably not going to happen. unfortunate and frustrating when you sort of want to throw up everywhere, but you can't. and won't. and then you have to...live life and nurture others. and treat them with kindness. and love. and patience.

so then, i'll bet you can also imagine how ECSTATIC i am, because for the past 48 hours, i've been motivated! i feel (sort of almost) like myself, ish. am i still feeling sick? well, yes. but i feel like God has divinely intervened and blessed me with enough extra energy and esprit to bring me just a little bit of the joy and satisfaction i get from being able to clean the house, cook meals, do laundry, and heck, paint my living room! (more on that soon. it IS fabulous!) i cannot explain it any other way, because nothing is different. right now, at 9:36 pm, i feel gross. same gross that i felt at 9:36 am. but that's just it- it's not me that's doing it. it's him IN me.

despite a social and work agenda for the month that is absolutely staggering and on the verge of overwhelming (doctors visits for me and e, girls night out, work, couples group meetings, friends visiting from WA [canNOT wait], art gallery openings [also ecstatic], mother's day, an open church meeting, a car wash/bake sale fundraiser [more on that to come], graduation parties, eli's birthday party, and a 7-day trip to florida with two small children (which i have BARELY considered), somehow, God is giving me peace. AND energy. honestly, i'm exhausted just thinking about this month, it's true, and part of me wants it to be june (please?). i'm too quick to forget how many things are not in my hands (ahem, all of them) and i've been grateful that God's been teaching me to focus on the right priority. to be satisfied doing much, and doing little. to sit at his feet, and also to accomplish what i need to, when i can. just not when he's visiting. i mean, let's not be rude when Jesus stops by, right? ;)

things i don't want to talk about

i don't want to talk about, ie, blog about (and yet, here i am?):

how tired i am.

how busy the past few weeks have been.

how much more busy the month of may is going to be.

how overwhelmed and on edge being this busy is making me.

or how i can't help but see life through these green-colored glasses i'm wearing. every. single. day.

ugh. nausea. central.

okay. i'm done complaining. i don't care to elaborate, because i'm desperately aware at how unnecessary my whining drivel is. and painfully aware at how little anyone cares to read it. but for those of you who were wondering where i went, well, since my 5 day workation (a whole lot more work than -cation), i've been pretty behind on life and my ever-increasing responsibilities and endeavors beyond motherhood and wifehood.

and since i'm not a big fan of having to actually participate in life in my current condition, well, i was simply trying to avoid what i'm doing this very minute, which is being a yuckface whinerhead.

which is almost as gross as how i feel EVERY day.

(okay, now i'm really done.)

onwards and upwards, right?!

workation

yeah.

this is the kind of day i had yesterday. not pretty.
ugh. is it just me, or do kids like to misbehave more when you're really having a productive day? i feel like they sense that you're on a roll, getting a lot done, and they like to sabotage it. no?

i spent the entire (literally. entire.) day monday lying on the couch watching the food network feeling like death. (thank you baby 3. don't think i won't remember this time.) is it just me or is the food network addicting? even for a girl like me who wanted to barf all day because every smell was obnoxiously nauseating, the food network was still an okay choice for television. not a lot of logic there. but it's true.

i was up early at 7 with piper, and i went full blast all day. 6 loads of laundry (note: save electricity: hang them on the line. great idea. until you bring the clothes inside and theres about a bazillion inchworms all over the place. g-ross). dinner prep. emails. lots of cleaning. birthday party planning. oh, and packing our life up real quick. dave and i are taking a sort of vacation...to work? hmmm. well, we're watching my bosses kids while they're away for 4 days sowe're moving in to their beautiful home to take on 2 more kids. (this is going to make or break dave's idea that 4 is a good idea. we'll see what he think after having an 8, 7, 4, and 1.5 year old for 4 days. lol.)

after a day of being ignored, followed by a day like today, i think e & p are ready for a little mom and dad saturation. some focused playtime and attention. i think i'm ready, too. i've got another new book (yay!), a clean-ish home, bathed children, and a sorta packed up life.

i say bring it on! i'm ready for a workation!

sun=joy

(this is me. prancing with the birds in the sunshine. because sun=joy, don't you know?!)

we had a great day yesterday. yes, the mere sight of the sun is like a magic drug that makes us all inexplicably glad and positive and excited. my guess is it's most likely because we were created to be in the sun absorbing all that marvelous vitamin D. we were NOT created to be inside. that's why when we are inside, we are mad. and we want to be outside. it's the magic drug calling our name. so let me talk about why i'm high on vitamin D and love everything right now, especially yesterday and today.

1) this goes without saying, but: the weather...is...warm!

2) elias got to play at the playground at watson pond with his buddy aidan (and run around with sticks. and throw pine cones. good times!)

3) which meant that i got to hang out with yvette and chat (i had an adult conversation! with another mother! who's fabulous and pregnant, too! and i mostly kept an eye on my kids!)

4) and meant piper got to follow aidan around and make girly eyes at him. she might have been even happier than elias to see aidan :)

5) when i got home, i realized i got a little color on my face and chest. and i kept catching myself doing double takes like 'why am i pink?' and then i'd remember...and my heart was glad.

6) i got to take a nap. so maybe elias was knocking over lamps and jumping on the bed. i still fell asleep a couple times i think!

7) i spend some time in the backyard raking and realized my tulips were trying to push up through all the wet piles of leaves. tulips and lilacs are my faves and i want nothing more than vases all over my house filled with freshly cut flowers.

8) i was happy to rake. and yes, i was wearing a skirt. that's how i roll.

9) dave snuck home long enough for us to all go out and pick out some more paint swatches at home depot and get fried food for dinner (that's what baby wanted. gotta give 'em what they want!)

10) it was still light out after dinner!

11) i gave the kids a bath and read in bed while they splashed water all over the place. i'm reading point of impact, a stephen hunter book with bob lee swagger, the legendary sniper. (perhaps you remember the movie "shooter" with mark wahlberg. it was loosely based on this book.)

12) the kids went to bed, and i read in bed until dave got home. and then read some more. i didn't touch the dishes, i didn't clean the toy room, i didn't put the laundry away. i just...relaxed.

13) oh. and i'm PREGNANT! woo-hoo!

today is going to be another great day. i'm taking take eli and pip to the playground in west bridgewater to meet up with lee/cadie/jax/madie, and then i have the honor of helping to pick some paint colors for brockton christian. i LOVE paint. but, i'm sure you know that by now.

so what about you? is this sunshine making you all nutty happy cuckoo, too?

the catch up poem

(humor me)

to try to catch you up to speed-
well, that would take a century
'what's going on?'
you might ask.
i'll try to sum it
up real fast:
messes, dishes, laundry piles
haven't blogged in quite a while
it's hard working 15 hours
surely there's no time for showers
2 teeth coming in for piper,
change another dirty diaper
young boy covers room with poop
wakes last night, can't breath, has croup
my puke yellow door- it makes me happy
his puke on the floor- that's kinda crappy
piles of notes and things to-do
cleaning, washing, nothing new
thank you notes on desk unsent
wondering where all the weeks have went
grocery shopping and meals to cook
need a nap, want to read my book!
life feels too disorganized
outstanding tasks are super-sized
luckily my husband holds it down
on the days i'm not around
house is clean, kids are fed,
tucked and snuggled in their beds
i am thankful to have work
and try not to be a tired jerk
let's play with puzzles, go for walk
call a friend, for a moment, talk
talk to Jesus, ask for help
i can't do this by myself
realize there's never enough days,
working or not, life will be crazed
just take care of children, love them well
on the hard things, do not dwell
know you're blessed beyond belief
get ready to face another week
i'd love to catch you all up more
and not about poop and puke on my floor
i know, dear friends, these crazy weeks
have not allowed for many peeks
inside the walls of my brain and life
as a mom and pastors wife
but in time i think, i'll be back to share
with friends and family everywhere

so stay tuned...

why i love today

(just real quick. i HAVE to finish this laundry and do these dishes immediately. or i might have to move out. which would be complicated.)

1. my husband. who encourages me to skip taking care of the home and just have fun with the kids. he's so supportive and encouraging, you might puke in your mouth a little. he was worth that 6 year wait ;) so we went to winslow farm in norton to pet some animals, and then had some lunch together. more on winslow farm later. i have a video that is gonna kill you. for real. i'm laughing just thinking about it...
2. my kids. who are adorable and adored, and make me smile more than they make me frustrated. good thing. elias really like to make me laugh these days, so he pulls out some of the most hilarious one-liners- movie quotes, you name it. every day is something new...
3. for an awesome God. who gets better and better the more i get to know Him. i'm really blessed, and really grateful, and really...just...glad. being a mom teaches you a lot about what it must be like to be a Creator. hear me out. we create these small people and we have to teach them, and discipline them, and love them, and show them grace. this can be taxing as a human, but for God, it's easy peasy, lemon squeezy. it's just His nature. He doesn't "work on it" or "learn about it", HE just IS it. and i know sometimes i totally must frustrate my Creator, the same way my kids can frustrate me.
4. for seasons that change. you know i'm a summer gal, but fall is my next favorite, so it's a smooth transistion for me ;) looking forward to big sweaters, tall boots, hot coffee, apple picking, autumn leaves, and our wood stove. bring it onnn...

look familiar?

1. my house is not always clean (the fact that i have to even say that indicates that i may have some issues)

2. however, when it is in this unclean state, which is quite regularly, i want to crawl out of my skin or run away or freak out. for real.

3. it's impossible to keep a home clean when you have children who's chief aim and purpose is to mess it up, pee on it, and leave a literal trail of wreckage in their wake

4. i hate when people see my house messy because i simply can't have it that way. makes me anxious. but because i can't have you all thinking i'm june cleaver or some other psycho, i made this video (and proceeded to start 92339 loads of laundry while dave got his hazmat suit on to do the dishes. have i mentioned that my husband is amazing?).

check this out:

look familiar? (say yes, say yes...)

work it, mama

okay- so i'm not dead. dead tired? yes. but not dead.

as you all know i started a new job working part time for a family i nannied for when i was in college. kate and i stayed in touch and we all got together when we were vacationing in nantucket, one thing led to another, and now my sister and i are sharing a job doing housekeeping and some personal assistant-type tasks.

and i love it. i work every wednesday for as few as 5 hours and as many as 10 until the fall starts, then i'll be working 10 every week. but i've been party-planning for kate (she and the kids stay in their nantucket house for the summer) for her husband tucker's 40th birthday. meeting with catering companies and designers, addressing invitations, organizing her guest list and contacts and the like. very fun. but it's been quite monumental.

so i'm not dead. or missing. just missing in action, and way behind in my own life. laughably, actually. but it's all good.

so do you want to hear a funny story?

we are (were) working with this catering company called "the catered affair" and they work with another place called "party by design" and kate was thinking she'd throw this loungey, sexy party in her backyard (which is gorgeous) for 50-75 people. i meet with the people who make these things happen, we discuss what kate wants, yadda yadda. okay- so she's looking to spend about $10-15,000 on this party. sounds reasonable [well, not for everyone, of course. it's a little out of my league ;)] for a party with tents, lighting, bartenders, catered food, loungey furniture, etc. i figured they'll come in about double that, maybe at $25,000.

i DARE you to guess what their quote was. just try and guess...




over $65,000 PLUS alcohol.

!!!!!!!

can you even believe that? it's nuts man. suffice it to say, we're going in a new direction. check out this place- it's called "mooo" and it's on beacon hill. plan b it is!

so i want to be blogging, i miss writing when i don't have time, but i've been working every day party planning and momming, with no extra time to be found. i have been working on a culture blog but it's so epic, i'm going to have to break it up into a few i think. i'm excited about it. i'll probably have volume one posted tomorrow.

"talk about it, mom!"

elias says this phrase all the time that kills me: he's always saying "talk about it..."

he uses it a couple different ways: either "talk about it, mom!" which is in an aggravated tone, and he means it more like"don't talk about it, mom" for when he's getting into trouble, or i'm explaining why he can't do something. and he also says "talk about _______!" and it can be anything from a movie he's been watching, or a book he likes, to something that happened that he enjoys recounting.

as a tribute to my young clone, let's "talk about it": here is a brief (wait-am i ever brief?) overview of the many blog topics up and coming and in my brain of late. if you want, feel free to tell me what you'd like to hear about first.

this is what i want to talk about soon:
- i haven't done a yard/projects update in a while. i guess because the rock wall is at a stand still and the back yard, though flat now, is about as easy to walk on as, ohhh, the moon's surface, and we can't quite afford to buy the top soil we'd need for 3/4 of an acre. because it's about a bazillion dollars. i also need to update on the garden, and discuss how i have poison ivy. again. and i HATE it.
- i want to blog about my husbands sermon series on "the Way" because it's AMAZING. one of my favorite series yet. you can listen online and download the sermon notes if you're interested. my girl leelee told me this morning she's using them as a little bible study for herself. i love her. i want to blog about her, too.
- an eli/pippa update. elias is killing me as usual with his word choices and phrasing (for example, his usage of the word "responsibilities" [which sounds more like "ponsabilities"] which are not to be confused with superhero "abilities", which are also a hot topic. priceless.). and piper...is nuts, and she's getting SO big (and i mean, off the charts literally kind-of-big). so i'd like to do a little update on those rascally rabbits and all their cuteness.
- some pictures from the john legend concert, which was a-mazing. and how much i love him. and how this concert made me realize i need to be around black people way more. dead serious. enough with you white people. kristen thinks i can blog about this without sounding weird or ignorant. but even writing it sounds weird and ignorant. ahh well, what can i say? just trying to keep it real. i am just sort of obsessed with culture outside my familiar. (and i want to adopt some babies who look more like my kids baby dolls than my kids). and that's for real.
- picture post on the NY part of our vacation. there are some cute ones, i'm just a bit overwhelmed by the amount of pictures i have. again, i'm my own worst enemy.
- and i wanted to tell you what my husband got me for my birthday without straight bragging about him. although i may just have to flat out brag. but i had a great birthday, and never really got around to sharing. silly me.

this is what i will talk about now:
- poison ivy + insane heat + naughty 3 year olds = me wanting to hurt myself or whoever is closest to me. i've been praying about that lately, again, for patience. i think God is working on me, and giving me lots opportunities for growth. if only there weren't so many. ;)
- work is going great and i love it. and i adoreeeee getting out of the house by myself for a day. it's just so necessary. and bringing home a little of my own bacon sure can't hurt.
- the poisonwood bible and unchristian are still treating me well. loving a little reading time when i can squeeze it in.
- i've spent every minute possible floating in my parents pool. let's face it- 93 degrees plus humidity is just plain oppressive. i'm trying to survive this obnoxious heat wave by immersing myself in any water i can find- water fountain, muddy puddle, kiddie pool. i don't discriminate-it's too stinking hot!
- and i wanted to know- have any of you seen any good movies lately? i've seen a bunch of movies, which i may blog about as well, but they were mostly just so-so. i need a good blow-em-up, shoot-em-up action flick, or maybe something with some romance and a good story line and script. anyone??

this is what i don't want to talk about:
- how annoying it is to have a 3 year old on miralax. because he poops in volumes you could not imagine. and instead of napping, he does a lot of pooping. and changing his own diaper without me hearing him. let's not talk about how today he used an ENTIRE container of wipes to clean himself up after changing his own diaper. granted, he did a good job, but an ENTIRE container?! and of course, he's only THREE, so there's poop on the floor after he "changes himself" because this is not ordinary kid poop. it's soft ,mushy, MESSY poop.

see, i had always locked elias in his room (for his safety and my peace of mind) but since he's been potty training, i've left it open. of course he's not used to being able to get out. so he'll just pee on the carpet since his diaper full of poop is on the floor under a heap of dirty wipes! and then he'll remember, and he'll do the rest of his poop and pee on the toilet. which is great. but a liiiiittle late.

i'm just EXASPERATED with the pooping problems, with poop on my floor, with the large volumes of poop, and with my poor boy going 7 days without pooping. i just can't take ANY MORE poop! it's been over a year! so just pray for my boy and his gastro-intestinal organs, that they might function normally, and that he might not have to be on a stool softener, and that i won't have to ever EVER (not) write about poop again.

and there you have it. that's what i want to talk about and don't want to talk about. what do ya think?

still/busy?

today i realized, not for the first time, however, that i am habitually and characteristically overzealous about "do-ing" and "working." i am literally on the verge of incapable of just sitting still. people always remark at how thin i am (which begs the question 'why are people so obsessed with weight?' but whatever, that's a blog for another day), and although i have my father to thank for a very fast metabolism, the real reason he and i (and many others i'm sure)are so thin is because we have a problem. and the problem is that we insist on always go-go-going and have a really hard time sit-sit-sitting.

in our couples group, we are going through "breaking free" by beth moore. she talks about the "captivity of activity" in the context of oppression and things we hide behind as Christians. and although i never intentionally hide in activity, i still feel like i am much more comfortable with projects and things to do. let's face it, as a mom, there's literally ALWAYS an overwhelming amount of things TO do, aren't there? and if we're being really honest, don't we kind of like being able to hide behind our kids schedules or their needs?

the thing is, being busy is a choice.

my husband reminds me of this frequently. he'll whisk me away from whatever i'm doing just to sit. and it almost takes someone physically removing me from what i'm doing. whether it's washing the floor on my hands and knees at 10:00pm or raking up zillions of rocks, sometimes you just need to take a minute and be still. nothing is going anywhere. trust me, that food on the floor under the highchair? it's gonna be riiighhttt there waiting for you. and those dishes and that laundry and those errands and that email and that phone call? they'll be waiting too.

i think i struggle with knowing that there is much value in stillness, and putting that knowledge into practice. knowing what i know and doing what i know is sometime where i get tripped up. it's hard for me to be still. i have a lot of energy and i thrive of "getting things done" but those are called excuses. the more i live, the more i realize that certain things can wait, and certain things have weight. it's really a question of what's important.

dave always says that you can see what things you value by seeing where you spend the most time. i spend a great deal of time with my children and my husband...but how much time do i spend with Jesus? how much time do i spend in stillness? how much value do i place on knowing what God wants for me? how much time am i actually LISTENING instead of TALKING? these are the questions that matter most.

so instead of raking up the zillions of rocks this morning (zillions is not an overstatement, by the way) i decided to clean out the kids pool (okay, sort of still a task, but it was full of sand) and let them splash for a bit. and then i made lunch and we all ate on the porch together. and i'll tell you this much- that was FAR more satisfying than raking rocks. because you all know that while you try to do and do, your kids make it impossible because of their needs/wants/demands, and if you're anything like me, you get really aggravated and frustrated at them, and then NO ONE is happy. especially YOU.

so i'm working on my expectations still, being a go-go-go type of mom, and working on how to be genuinely satisfied with accomplishing absolutely nothing. because with Christ, that is very possible. God does not value what we value, and although there are many things in our lives that have to get done, we can do those things with love and purpose, as if we're doing them for Jesus himself, OR we can just do-do-do it all by ourselves, and quickly notice that our efforts go unnoticed, unblessed, and are mostly stressed. no rhyming intended.

there will always be things to do, but there won't always be people to do it for. and there is much more value in stillness than in busyness, isn't there?

so...still busy?

updates, edition 1: cutie patooties

edition 1: cutie patooties

let's begin the updates with my favorites- bird (pip) and fish (elias). they're both doing great, both as lively as they ever were, and keeping me on my toes like a stinking ballerina. these are the latest with what they're up to and into:

elias has been cleared by his GI specialist to potty train, and he has already pooped on the potty a few times and even pees on the potty all on his own...well, when he thinks of it. elias was pretty much born independent, and he'll waltz in and be like "mum, i peed on the potty" just like "oh, by the way...". he cracks me up. but i think i'm mostly the one holding him back with this whole ordeal. i'm not very good at even remembering to remind him, so his pull-ups would be much drier if i would pay attention. we're making progress, but slowly. he already got his "goggles and morkel for cooba gyving" for his first poop in the potty. because seriously, this was the kid who cried and got sick and had a belly like a rock constantly, so we've made a lot of progress. i'm beyond proud of him and i am trying to make sure i tread lightly with potty training so we don't end up where we started a year ago.

besides potty training, he's just a hilarious little human, and i just like having him around. A LOT. we just talk and play and i really really ENJOY him. the things that come out of his precious mouth kill me. like the other day in the grocery store when he slapped my butt. i turned around, a bit shocked (as the stock boy stared) and said "what, are you hitting me?!" and he says "no mum, daddy do's that to you all the time." !!!! i almost died. indeed, he does elias. but we're married. so classic elias. he's a hoot. and a love.

piper. let's see, where to begin. well, she's shaping up to be a reallll feisty one, and that's the understatement of the century. i don't know if i should be afraid of her but i think maybe i ought to be. this girl doesn't hesitate to let her opinion be known. little fits of terror, anger and wrath that quickly turn to happy and playful. scaaa-rryyy. i think naming her glory after her grandma gloria was more fitting than i ever could have imagined...because she is one saucy italiana.

right now crawls faster than i can walk, and stands at everything she can, cruising about to get where she needs to go. she falls all the time on her face because she crawls too fast, and i catch her climbing the stairs much too frequently. she can get up them if i am there to spot, so we're onto gates gates and more gates to prevent nutty p from any more falls. she's bled far more than elias has in 3 years, which makes me think maybe she got the bartlett clumsiness. sorry, piper. at least you got my eyes ;) but she really is a snuggly little bug, despite all her fierce and demanding self, so it's hard to stay frustrated with her. she's too smiley and silly. which reminds me, her favorite new things include sticking her tongue out and putting her hand over her mouth like an american indian. that and dancing. she always moves to the beat. she's wild. i think that's the best word for her. she's wild and crazy.

with that, here are some pics of my love doves. enjoy!

mama and piper sunbathing...or maybe shadebathing?

miss p and her ruffle bum. BIG fan.

girl time!

it's still up in the air whether this bird will also be a fish.

you all remember my search for a new baby doll. well, meet option #3, better known as "ruby" (on the right)! i named her ruby because i love that name, and dave hates it so much he won't even let me name a dog ruby. so since piper is too little, i'm calling her ruby until piper has an opinion. funny thing is piper actually couldn't care less about ruby, she like the other little dolly in this picture better. little dolly remains unnamed, but elias calls her piper glory. i mean, i love that name, too, but it could get a little confusing. so i love ruby for piper. and i love her like i'm 10 years old. sooo, maybe i do need to spring for a third. this is getting embarrassing.

isn't she just adorable. (is that weird, since she's not real? see, i'm not kidding, i took pictures of her like she's my daughter...)

and a close-up

here's the kids the other night trying to out-eat each other. hilarious. and one hot mess.

and here's my little pippa-doodlebug.

i also have a couple ah-dorable videos, but they simply would NOT upload, so i'll try them again later. they'll be worth the wait :)

a joyful sorrow

my uncle randy passed away in his sleep early thursday morning.

it's funny, i had expected that whenever i'd get that news, i would really lose it. somehow, all i feel is an incredible peace. sadness, too, but there is a lightness i feel that i didn't expect.

his wake is today, and i'm pretty sure that's when my emotions will catch up with my logic and reason. i'm really going to miss him. he had the most amazing sense of humor, a big heart and man, he was just...lovable.

on monday, when my sister and i heard he had taken a turn for the worst, we sat down and wrote to him, in case we wouldn't be able to see him before he passed away. i am SO glad we did, and that his boys could read the notes to him. knowing that he smiled when he heard what we wanted to say really gives us both peace and closure.

that's probably one of the hardest things about loss...there's just so much you want to say, so much they need to know...

i still am not sure where randy stood with the Lord, but i do hope they had a chat or two while he pondered life and grace and hope and peace. i hope those things pointed him to back to his Creator.

this week i've really been relying on phillipians 4:4-7

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

i know that there is nothing outside of God's control, and though we may hope and pray for circumstances to go a certain way, we cannot always understand the vast knowledge of God and his purposes, nor his desire to teach us, love us, protect us, and help us, always drawing us closer and closer to him.

even though it seems impossible, God can be glorified in all things and through all things. even death.

so today i will say goodbye once more to a man i've known my entire life. a man who loved me, who gave me good advice, who listened, who made me laugh, who put carpet in my apartments, who tucked wads of cash into my back pockets, who celebrated holidays with my family, who played with me, who taught me things, who had so much life in him that you couldn't help but enjoy his very presence.

and i hope to honor and celebrate his life by remembering him.

"Give everyone what you owe him: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor. Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law." Romans 13:7-8

joy in the hard times

and now...back to your regularly scheduled programming...

i should be doing the dishes right now, and flipping a load of laundry, seeing as how i managed to avoid both like the bubonic plague today. but i'd rather say hello to you folks. dishes and laundry are for losers.

so i've been submerged in books over the past week, and finished up two that were on my "books i need to have lists" 1 and 2. i read kite runner by hosseini (beautifully written. a masterpiece) and outliers by gladwell (fascinating, intriguing, and smart). both fantastic. just as i'd hoped. both i read within two day spans. they sort of required and demanded the reader to be completely submerged. all in. and that's cool, except when you shirk all other responsibilities. namely, watching your kids. if you haven't read either of those books, they're worth the read. and last week was a great week. some nice birthday celebrations, lots of playing with toys, lots of reading. enjoyable. busy as the week wrapped up, but nice.

as saturday rolled around, i got some bad news about my uncle randy. he has cancer that's now spread, and he's not doing well. he's not a blood uncle, but i'm far closer to him than any of my actual aunts or uncles, so it's kind of like getting news that one of your parents is terminally ill. deeply saddening. heart-breaking. and the last time i saw him was the night before piper was born. which was 10 months ago...and boy that time has flown. so i miss him, which is compounded with the sadness of thinking of losing someone who means so much to me. i'm praying for God to do a miracle, though, and i have been for months, and i am praying that Jesus will nudge him a little. Jesus is the way to hope and life eternal. and i want that for everyone.

so this weekend was hard for me. the news actually made me physically ill, which is not something i've ever experienced. and since it was a murky and grey weekend, i was just feeling melancholy, which is not an approach or disposition that i tend to have. i felt like so many people were sad, too, not just me, which made me even sadder. if i'm to be honest, it was almost out-of-body for me because it felt so unfamiliar or contradictory or opposed to my personality. it made me glad that i'm an upbeat person, but it allowed me to really appreciate how true my emotions were.

i have a much better peace today than i did over the weekend. it's hard to be sad, especially when elias crawls up on my lap, wipes a tear with the back of his fingers, and says "don't be sad, mum. it's okay." and then proceeds to wipe the tears onto my dress, which makes me laugh. and then him laugh. kids are good for bringing cheer, aren't they?

please pray for my uncle randy, and that he might find the Lord in this difficult time. more than anything, it's a reminder that our life here isn't what we're living for, despite how gut-wrenching loss can be. i am grateful to serve a God who can remind me that his plans are not my plans, and i ought to be living my life every day like the Kingdom is at hand.

finding joy in hard times is easier said than done, though, isn't it?

life in the fishbowl

maybe some of you are wondering what it's like to be a pastor's wife. not because you want to be one. oh, no, no one wants to be one :) but because for some reason it seems like being a pastors wife is a "role" in the same way a "pastor" is. like i must play the piano...right? and teach sunday school, sing in the choir, and run vbs or something? you might also think that my kids are angels, or that i don't lose my temper, or that i have it all together. you might think that my hair is always done, and i like to cook dinner every night, and i'm never annoyed or frustrated or selfish or rude or unkind. welll, not exactly.

see, what you're thinking of...is a saint. and i am not a saint. i just so happened to be married to a pastor. i'm sure many of you who either grew up with me or knew me in college know that there is no chance in hades i'm a saint.

a little back story: when i started dating dave, he was actually working as a courier and getting his masters in divinity. before that he worked in IT and did some programming, networking, and help desk type work (boy, does that come in handy). and although he worked in youth ministry part time at new hope, if you had asked him if he would follow in his fathers footsteps and become a pastor, he'd have smiled and politely declined. maybe he'd have laughed at you. but it was always a "no thanks."

truth is, being married to a pastor is like being married to a biologist or a salesman, a trucker or a rocket scientist, really. you know- you have a husband, he does a job, he tells you about it when he gets home, etc. i suppose what makes his occupation a bit different is that people really think you're something "more" than you are (kind of like the president and first lady).

see, we don't have a direct line to God, and Jesus doesn't come to our house for dinner each week. although, that would be cool. people for some reason assume i'm perfect and that he's the most godly man around. reality is, God has simply asked him to shepherd people and lead them to the best of his ability. God called him to serve in this way. but lots of people serve others all over the world, every day. the thing with pastors is that many times people view them as more than men.

but they're not.

we're very blessed to have the opportunity to show people who Jesus is. but so does everyone else. quite frankly, the pastor's house and the pastor's family should be pretty much like your family (namely if you love Jesus like we do). since we're no more holy than you, there is no reason your house should be any different than our house. perhaps because of our "roles," we are afforded unique occasions that some other people may not be. and i would say that more ought to be expected of us because people look to those in leadership (in every capacity) as an example (note: do this at your own risk). we just live in what people refer to as "the fishbowl," which means that others tend to observe us more. the advantage in that? we have opportunities to represent Jesus well. and i try to do my best. but that's not my responsibility simply because i married a pastor. that is something that every person should consider.

would you talk to your spouse the same way if Jesus was sitting on your couch?
would you make dinner for Jesus the same way you make dinner for your family?
would you really act how you do, knowing God is everywhere, including in your mind?

people always make jokes to "watch their language" or "act appropriately" because the pastor's around. but i think that's a shame, because we should ALL be acting and living like we serve an omnipresent God. because if you're only thinking about what you say when the pastor's around, you're neglecting to think about the other hundreds of days in your year. and that God knows every thought and hears every word that leaves your lips.

mostly, i want people who meet me or know me to see a little Jesus in me. or even a lot. but you won't find perfection here. you may, on the contrary, see me yelling at my son in the store, or stop by my house at noon to find me still in my bathrobe, bedraggled, and maybe then you'll have a more accurate picture or this awe-inspiring life i lead. fishbowl living can be hard sometimes, to be honest. i never imagined i would be married to a pastor, so it took some getting used to at first. but now, i consider it an amazing opportunity to surprise people with what church looks like, what pastor's wives look like, and why all the preconceptions are irrelevant.

that it's so much LESS about US and so much MORE about Jesus.

i don't think i'm special. and neither should you. i know i'm being a little tongue and cheek here, but it's just that it's not about labels, titles, expectations, or any of that. it's about your heart. and your actions. and your words. and them all lining up. i'm more than a pastor's wife. and you're more than a ___________'s wife. it's a little much to live up to sainthood, although i truly do aspire to be a better representation of Jesus every day. and i strive to support my husband every way i can, the same way any wife would. i just want to be the best michelle i can be. and that michelle will love others and show kindness and whatever else, just like you.

so heck, throw out all your silly notions and misconceptions.
how about this one?!
i like tattoos. AND i'm a pastor's wife. BRING THE HEAT!

highlights: the "on crack" version

much to my dismay, i've managed to again disappear for days on end. perhaps i've forgotten the very realities of my life. i have two very active and demanding children clinging either to my leg or my breast- one crazy daredevil and one saucy italiana. what exactly do i expect to get done?!
answer: everything. right?
correct answer: nothing...unless i'm really lucky.

here are some highlights, the "on crack" version:
wednesday
i can't seem to make any progress anywhere. not even a little. tripping over myself while elias follows me around begging for me to play with him. i desperately sidestep, trying to organize my brain and my to-do list. after lunch, i put them both down for their naps. decide to dig up every shrub in my front lawn and transplant them in the backyard. just real quick.

get my shovel and pick axe [you need a pick axe in new england- i can't tell you how many times my aviators saved my eyeballs from flying rock shards. this soil is nuts.] i dig up 3 bushes, 1 rhododendron, and two smaller plants before the kids even wake. i also replant every perennial flower i put in last year. and some random bulbs. and some potted flowers i had kicking around. i realize that night as my body is utterly exhausted that i'm TOTALLY my dad. i'm a little psycho running around cutting things down, digging things up, hyper-focused and hyper-speed. [not all of you know my father, but those of you who do know just what i'm talking about] :)

thursday
my sister lauri and her kids come over to play. elias loves isabella. she's 5. he loves isaiah, who will be 2 in july, but mostly gives him stiff arms. we have a nice lunch together. suddenly it's 2:00. way past nap time. kids take short naps. michelle is sad. when i go to get piper out of her crib, i snap her neck off. not really. but i tweak something and she screams. and screams. my dad calls. wants to play with the kids. i say 'come save me!' he and scouty, our old pit-bull come to play, piper snuggles him for hours and calms down. we throw scout sticks, we talk about gardening, composting, and psycho thorn weeds. elias is happy. dada comes home for dinner. pip seems to be doing better. reality- she is not.
piper wakes up at 11:30 just as we're going to bed. why are we awake so late? no explanation. we're dumb, that's why. i try to put her back down. she screams. LOUD. i rock her. and rock her. for hours. she won't go in her crib. one wrong move and she is clearly in pain. so i pray for a miracle. i put her in bed. she stays awake and kicks me. i want to strangle her because i'm tired and it's like, 3am. i put her in her crib. she falls asleep. then she wakes up again. dada's turn. battle #2. she falls asleep at 4:30. i want to poke my eyeballs out.

friday
i'm deliriously tired. elias needs to go see his GI specialist from Childrens. i decide to take them both alone. we fare well. in and out quickly. piper isn't screaming anymore. thank you jesus for healing her busted neck. i make the doctor check her neck anyway. he says it seems fine. i agree. jesus rocks. elias has made good progress. we're all happy. time to wean him off miralax. pray for us! doctor gives go ahead to potty train. but i cannot push eli or i'll undo all our months of work. fine with me. as long as he eventually poops in a toilet, i'm cool. i pack up kids, make lunch, put kids down for naps. i lay down t take a nap. i fall asleep. the doorbell rings. AWESOME. i try to fall asleep again. i half sleep for another hour. elias wakes up. we snuggle in bed. piper wakes up. i need to clean for couples group. hustle bustle. food prep, vacuum, dust, wash, pick-up. the usual. i like to clean. it makes me happy. eli and i make a dessert. company arrives. we eat. i put kids to bed. great discussion on historical revisionism and whether war is justifiable. i love our friends. 10:00, everyone is gone. dave and i clean up. we work on some things for his council of elders meeting. it's really late. bed again. piper sleeps. michelle is happy.

saturday
elias and mama play while dada is at his meeting. we read books. we play bob the builder. we eat pop tarts and drink tea. piper naps. i surf the web. elias climbs all over me, begging to play tractor tippin on the cars website. piper wakes up. we go upstairs., i curl my hair. it look ridiculous. me and eli try on some red lipstick. we look good. a little hide and seek, then pip gets hungry. i feed her. dada comes home. he likes my hair. i laugh at him. we make lunch. i talk on phone to ash and ams, coordinate a little reunion at lasell's 2009 fashion show. me and lee chat and make plans to meet and drive up. girls night. SO exciting. i write this blog. dave taunts me, saying a good wife would snuggle him.

he's right.

and so i'm off!