joy in the hard times

and now...back to your regularly scheduled programming...

i should be doing the dishes right now, and flipping a load of laundry, seeing as how i managed to avoid both like the bubonic plague today. but i'd rather say hello to you folks. dishes and laundry are for losers.

so i've been submerged in books over the past week, and finished up two that were on my "books i need to have lists" 1 and 2. i read kite runner by hosseini (beautifully written. a masterpiece) and outliers by gladwell (fascinating, intriguing, and smart). both fantastic. just as i'd hoped. both i read within two day spans. they sort of required and demanded the reader to be completely submerged. all in. and that's cool, except when you shirk all other responsibilities. namely, watching your kids. if you haven't read either of those books, they're worth the read. and last week was a great week. some nice birthday celebrations, lots of playing with toys, lots of reading. enjoyable. busy as the week wrapped up, but nice.

as saturday rolled around, i got some bad news about my uncle randy. he has cancer that's now spread, and he's not doing well. he's not a blood uncle, but i'm far closer to him than any of my actual aunts or uncles, so it's kind of like getting news that one of your parents is terminally ill. deeply saddening. heart-breaking. and the last time i saw him was the night before piper was born. which was 10 months ago...and boy that time has flown. so i miss him, which is compounded with the sadness of thinking of losing someone who means so much to me. i'm praying for God to do a miracle, though, and i have been for months, and i am praying that Jesus will nudge him a little. Jesus is the way to hope and life eternal. and i want that for everyone.

so this weekend was hard for me. the news actually made me physically ill, which is not something i've ever experienced. and since it was a murky and grey weekend, i was just feeling melancholy, which is not an approach or disposition that i tend to have. i felt like so many people were sad, too, not just me, which made me even sadder. if i'm to be honest, it was almost out-of-body for me because it felt so unfamiliar or contradictory or opposed to my personality. it made me glad that i'm an upbeat person, but it allowed me to really appreciate how true my emotions were.

i have a much better peace today than i did over the weekend. it's hard to be sad, especially when elias crawls up on my lap, wipes a tear with the back of his fingers, and says "don't be sad, mum. it's okay." and then proceeds to wipe the tears onto my dress, which makes me laugh. and then him laugh. kids are good for bringing cheer, aren't they?

please pray for my uncle randy, and that he might find the Lord in this difficult time. more than anything, it's a reminder that our life here isn't what we're living for, despite how gut-wrenching loss can be. i am grateful to serve a God who can remind me that his plans are not my plans, and i ought to be living my life every day like the Kingdom is at hand.

finding joy in hard times is easier said than done, though, isn't it?