elias week: day 2: elias says

i really wish i could walk around with a tape recorder, because 3 year olds are stinking hilarious. i'll do my best to see if i can convey even some fraction of eli's silly and nonchalant little personality...

a few conversations:

me: what do you want for breakfast?
elias: have treats for breakfast?
me: no, we don't have treats for breakfast
elias: (running to dave) daaaad, mum says no to me!

dave: (sitting on eli's mini chairs in the toy room) do you want to read another book elias?
e: yeah, man!
dave: okay, well let's go read one on the couch because this chair is hurting my bum
e: sounds like you need to do some poops, dad!
(note: this is exactly what i tell elias all the time if he hasn't gone in a few days and he's whining or complaining to me.)

e: (running and pointing at dave) i'm in charge of you, dad!
d: no, elias, i'm the dad, so i'm in charge of you.
e: no way. mom's in charge.

(dave and i are talking in front seat of the car)
e: stop talking to my dad.
me: (annoyed) we're having a conversation elias. why don't you talk to piper?
e: watch your tone to me, mum!

(dinner time prayer, mostly mumbled, but this is what i catch)
e: thank you God for mummy, dad, and piper, and mummy, and dad, and piper...and me. thank you for cain-dence. thank you for cars...and motorcycles...for poops...and dub-dee. thank you for clothes, this food...is dewicious. amen.

(anytime he bonks his head, leg, elbow, anything...)
e: ow, poke me, hiy-ball! (eyeball)

(anytime we say...anything)
e: what you juts said?!

(anytime elias does...anything...without help)
e: me did it by myself, mum!

me: (long winded explanation about how water makes trees and grass grow, etc)
e: oooooohh. that explains it.

(as i change his diaper and taker off his pj's)
e: mum, you get naked, i get naked, how bout that? sound good. sure? oh.

me: what did you have for breakfast this morning?
e: monkey lion zebra eggs. and dinosaurs. huuugge dinosaurs.

(as i put elias down for his nap)
e: there's sand in my bed
me: what is that from?
e: my shoes
me: you're not wearing any shoes
e: (matter-of-factly) i was last friday

me: i need to cut your fingernails elias
e: no- they're super-sharp!

e to me (as i am sitting minding my own business): don't wipe your nose on your hands! that's gross!

elias to me at dinner, being his silly self
e: (retorts) want me hit you off baseball tee, huh?!

me: (scolding elias in the back seat for whining and carrying on)
e: that NOT nec-ssary mum!

(i'm cleaning up lunch before nap time and eli's leaning his elbow on the counter, chatting with me)
me: it's almost time for nap, elias. a couple more minutes, okay?
e: you don't want me to go upstairs to bed, mum, crust me. (trust me)

me: hey elias, would you like me to make you cupcakes or a birthday cake for your birthday party?
e: both cupcakes AND cake. how 'bout that? sound good?

eli's one liners, used liberally:

"that's funny"
"that's wey-id" (weird)
"i love you soooo much, mommm"
"you kiddin me? you serious to me?"
"i'm so proud to you"
"get my dress on, mum" (ie, get dressed)
"you betcha!"
"yeah, man!"
"that's wicked!"
"totally awesome!"
"cool dude!"
"..., i fink" (i think)
"..., real quick"
"..., huh?! mum. huh?! huh?!"
"..., actually"