still/busy?

today i realized, not for the first time, however, that i am habitually and characteristically overzealous about "do-ing" and "working." i am literally on the verge of incapable of just sitting still. people always remark at how thin i am (which begs the question 'why are people so obsessed with weight?' but whatever, that's a blog for another day), and although i have my father to thank for a very fast metabolism, the real reason he and i (and many others i'm sure)are so thin is because we have a problem. and the problem is that we insist on always go-go-going and have a really hard time sit-sit-sitting.

in our couples group, we are going through "breaking free" by beth moore. she talks about the "captivity of activity" in the context of oppression and things we hide behind as Christians. and although i never intentionally hide in activity, i still feel like i am much more comfortable with projects and things to do. let's face it, as a mom, there's literally ALWAYS an overwhelming amount of things TO do, aren't there? and if we're being really honest, don't we kind of like being able to hide behind our kids schedules or their needs?

the thing is, being busy is a choice.

my husband reminds me of this frequently. he'll whisk me away from whatever i'm doing just to sit. and it almost takes someone physically removing me from what i'm doing. whether it's washing the floor on my hands and knees at 10:00pm or raking up zillions of rocks, sometimes you just need to take a minute and be still. nothing is going anywhere. trust me, that food on the floor under the highchair? it's gonna be riiighhttt there waiting for you. and those dishes and that laundry and those errands and that email and that phone call? they'll be waiting too.

i think i struggle with knowing that there is much value in stillness, and putting that knowledge into practice. knowing what i know and doing what i know is sometime where i get tripped up. it's hard for me to be still. i have a lot of energy and i thrive of "getting things done" but those are called excuses. the more i live, the more i realize that certain things can wait, and certain things have weight. it's really a question of what's important.

dave always says that you can see what things you value by seeing where you spend the most time. i spend a great deal of time with my children and my husband...but how much time do i spend with Jesus? how much time do i spend in stillness? how much value do i place on knowing what God wants for me? how much time am i actually LISTENING instead of TALKING? these are the questions that matter most.

so instead of raking up the zillions of rocks this morning (zillions is not an overstatement, by the way) i decided to clean out the kids pool (okay, sort of still a task, but it was full of sand) and let them splash for a bit. and then i made lunch and we all ate on the porch together. and i'll tell you this much- that was FAR more satisfying than raking rocks. because you all know that while you try to do and do, your kids make it impossible because of their needs/wants/demands, and if you're anything like me, you get really aggravated and frustrated at them, and then NO ONE is happy. especially YOU.

so i'm working on my expectations still, being a go-go-go type of mom, and working on how to be genuinely satisfied with accomplishing absolutely nothing. because with Christ, that is very possible. God does not value what we value, and although there are many things in our lives that have to get done, we can do those things with love and purpose, as if we're doing them for Jesus himself, OR we can just do-do-do it all by ourselves, and quickly notice that our efforts go unnoticed, unblessed, and are mostly stressed. no rhyming intended.

there will always be things to do, but there won't always be people to do it for. and there is much more value in stillness than in busyness, isn't there?

so...still busy?